Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
