Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
