My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize