I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You need a sexual gate keeper
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
