Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
