If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
