My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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