What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
