i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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