dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
