Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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