She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
