Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
