i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
