Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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