Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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