she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
