New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
