In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
