I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
you had me at cake vodka
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
