This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
