last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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