i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I am mentally ready for anal.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
