Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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