A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
The ass gains better be worth it
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
