guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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