I'm gonna have a badass scar
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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