please come you make the beer taste better
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
