did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize