I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Randomize
