she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
