walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
