Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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