I'm eating all of the evidence.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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