not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
