I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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