maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
