Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
