They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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