you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
