Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
True strength comes from lack of pants
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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