Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize