Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
