You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
