I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
