Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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