just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
