everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
