I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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