there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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