Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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