Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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