Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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