If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
