Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
