So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
