Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
