You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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