The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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