**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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