My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
