Porn is love you can see.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
