yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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