I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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