Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
im six kinds of drunk right now
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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