remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
