I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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