Well apparently he's into motor boating.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
