im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
