If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
