I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
