Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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