just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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